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  • Writer's pictureTony Frobisher

The Google WWWWWH

The Google WWWWWH Why?

Am I not good enough? Well, I think you are. Am I always tired? Sometimes we need to turn off the stars. Am I always cold? I told you you’d need your big coat. Am I not losing weight? Switch your chocolate croissant for a bowl of porridge oats. Am I always hungry? Put down your phone and come and get your tea. Am I farting so much? A constant diet of lentils, baked beans, and chickpeas. Where?

Do polar bears live? Head north until you are all white. Does vanilla come from? Madagascar or Tesco, Lidl or M&S, Yes I think that’s right. Does the sun rise? In the land of miso, katsu, tempura, a veritable feast from the east. Do penguins live? Chester, Whipsnade, Twycross, or go south to find the flightless beasts. Do you get vitamin D? In small round tablet form, or directly from the sun. Do you go my lovely? Peter Sarstedt knows the answer to that one. When?

Do bluebells come out? When they are sure that it’s spring. Do the clocks go forward? When times Marches on, that sort of thing. Does Ramadan end? Insha’Allah, only Allah knows when. Does lockdown finish? When our lives are no longer viral my socially distanced friend. Do shops reopen? When the queues reach down the street. Does the sun set? When the fiery orb and land and sea in the west do meet. Who?

Called me? In the words of Shaggy, it wasn’t me. Is the richest person in the world? Alas again, unfortunately, it isn’t me. Was the first person on Earth? If I told you, you wouldn’t Adam and Eve. Let the dogs out? I told you to keep them on the lead. Is Banksy? It’s Dave who works for Kidderminster Homebase. Was the first man on the moon? Some chap who needed a bit of space. What?

Day of the year is it? Gregorian, Julian, Ethiopian or Lunar? Time is it in Jakarta? GMT+7, in winter an hour sooner. Is Crossfit? A form of high intensity interval training Is my BMI? Getting lower sans beignet, and no, I’m not complaining Is the longest word in the world? Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis now there’s a fact for you Is the word for missing someone you haven’t met? I don’t know, but I know they feel it too. How?

To write a poem? With or without rhymes, but with heart and soul Many calories in a piece of Turkish delight? Depends if you eat it sliced or whole Often should you wash your hair? Honestly, at least twice a year Do I do a home COVID test? Cotton bud back of the throat, up the nose, guaranteed sneezes and tears To get published? Persistence and never give up or give in To deal with rejection? Park it, don’t dwell, move on and one day you will win.

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